someone threw a dead crab at me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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