my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
