Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
