Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
