For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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