oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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