my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
