Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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