dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
