I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
