Sponge bath it is.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
