i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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