Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
