you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he was CRYING into my vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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