drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
