Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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