my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
