at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
