my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
