If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
