Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't turn off my feet"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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