What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
