Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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