He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize