honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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