shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's like iHOP with fire
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
