3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're completely useless in the revolution.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
