Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize