In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
