walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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