ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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