No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
