Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
