I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
