but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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