Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
