wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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