I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
