He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He better not be in your backpack
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
