Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
