we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
