My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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