it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
