My first STD was from a foam party
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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