I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
