I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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