a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize