I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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