$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
