you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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