Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize