I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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