I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
