im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
