I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
