She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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