all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize