i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
