So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
