I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
