Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
