i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didn't notice because vodka
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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