dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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