You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
