Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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