apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
