can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize